“Of course I feel too much… I am a universe of exploding stars.” -S. Anja
Perhaps it is quite healthy to get everything out when you have too much muddling around in your brain. I, for one, am happier now than I have ever been in my life, I think. Of course, current states of feeling change. Life changes.
My hopes are to fill these pages with thoughts/memories/dreams that are stimulating, cleansing, and honest.
Most of all, my own…
my own perception of my life, currently, and a lot that has taken place along the way.
I suppose my story could start at any general point in time.
Due to recent events, beginning with the complete significance of Brandi Carlile going on tour for the album ‘The Story’ will suit this first post well. This particular album was one of the first I ever purchased for myself. It could not have surfaced at a better time. I missed singing, then. I missed feeling like me.
It was 2007, Arkansas. I was 18 years old.
Fast forward to 2011, Illinois. Brandi would be the opening show for Ray Lamontagne in Chicago. This was the feeling I’d been waiting for. Validation. After years of instability, I finally had a something significant to show me that all of my bottled up emotions were ready to be set free.
I was dating at the time. There was the apartment, jobs, living the life.
Until it came the time to suggest we go see Brandi and Ray. We lived 35 miles out of Chicago and although it was a work night, I saw no reason why we could not go. It seemed right. He, being the voice of reason, decided it was too much money, irresponsible. I, oppositely, thought that we both worked hard, both enjoyed the two artists’ music, and felt it could bring some light into our relationship. Stir up something fantastic.
At this point, my heart knew it was time to hide again. I bought my ticket. Funny enough, Two co-workers of mine were interested and bought tickets, too. My work family came with me, my boyfriend did not. I had one of the most memorable nights and still made it to work on time the next day. I will never forget singing along while the heartfelt songs echoed over the grassy terrain that surrounded the venue. I will never forget my pounding heart seeing Brandi on stage. I went for me.
At times, it is important to indulge in events that can make one truly happy. Music, plays, reading alone in a dimly lit room; indulge in things that remind us who we are. We too often ignore our wants for our families and along the way, a part of us is lost.
There have only been a few times where my instincts drove me to do something impulsive. It may seem peculiar, but going to that show was a turning point for me. I broke up with my boyfriend and moved back to Arkansas, my original home, shortly after.
Time for a change.
Fast forward 2017, Arkansas. Brandi Carlile is coming to Dallas, Texas. The entire tour is to celebrate ‘The Story’ turning ten years old. This album resonates with my soul more than I can describe here on this page. I am happy to tell you I am going to take a road trip with my sisters. Going to sing my heart out with Brandi for the second time in my life. At least this time, I am surrounded by people who understand my need to take chances; to go hear music that makes my whole body smile as if feeling the sunshine after months of clouds and rain.
Never ignore circumstances that tell you when something is good, or should be. Finding balance within your life means paying attention to opportunity. Good or bad, each one is a step closer to understanding what is important in your life; for your life. Within those opportunities is where one can decide what is good for the soul, and who can be let go of.
It is up to you to open your heart and listen.